Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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