booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
