Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am one with the molecules
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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