I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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