aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
