Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
