i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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