We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
