dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
