I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
