my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
