At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
