Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
