Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He shit in the fireplace
Couch. On fire.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
