We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
