And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
