We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
