Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I died a long time ago.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
