oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
