i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
my poor anus
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
