So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
