im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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