also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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