Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Someone shit on the floor
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
