I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
