he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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