He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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