im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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