I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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