It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
