Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
