All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
