i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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