I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
