I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
