So drunk its hurt
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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