your parents love me but you hate me
Soap is not a condiment
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
