remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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