How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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