Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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