Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
