Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
