I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
