um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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