hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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