So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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