Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You don't make any sense
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