my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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