Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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