you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
