I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
