ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
