were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
