Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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