I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sext me about skeletons
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