he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
