You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
