I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
