peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
