my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize