that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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