Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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