Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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