K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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