Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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