Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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