he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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