i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
