Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
