He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
