Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
