Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
COCAINE IS GR8
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
