I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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