Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
