Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize