I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
