Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
