Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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