I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
