I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
