I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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