I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
