she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
