do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
