Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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