At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
