Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
