yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
